Wow, what a week. Looking back I feel like such a moron! Ever have one of those weeks? Let me fill you in on what happened and how I let my doubts and fears get in the way of seeing how God fulfilled one of His promises in my life.
It all began about a month ago. Being pregnant and carrying around a 27+ pound 1 year old plus already having back issues was not good news for my back. I was in a lot of pain and I was putting off going to see my chiropractor because I saw no way possible that we could even afford one visit, let alone weeks and months of the therapy I knew I needed. Finally, I could not take the pain any longer and knew something had to be done, so, I called up my chiropractor and got my first appointment scheduled. I was honest with the receptionist, who is also a friend of mine, and told her that I truly had no idea how I was going to pay for my treatment and for them to just be patient with us. She said it was not a problem and to just pay what we could when we could.
After going for a little over a month and finally getting some relief I still had not been able to pay anything towards my ever increasing bill. I was praying and asking God to supply the need that we had. I knew he could, but I struggled with truly believing he would. Well, once again, God showed me how true His promises are...
About a week ago I got a phone call from a dear, sweet friend of mine who lives in Colorado. She called to let me know that she was sending me a package. She said there was a couple things in it for Aaron (my 1 year old) and a little money for me to put towards my chiropractor bill! I don't remember if I had shared with her about the need that I had or not, but either way, I knew that God was answering my prayer! She did not tell me how much she was sending. So, I was looking forward to the sweet gift from my friend, and continually praying that God would provide for my need. On Monday night, I had planned to go out for a much needed "Mom's night" with a friend of mine. On my way out the door there was the package! So, I grabbed it and took it with me to open in the car on the way to dinner. Now, your probably thinking...you went out to dinner when you had a financial need?? Yes! And if you know me, you will also know that I had coupons for everything! One for me, and one for my friend! Yup! I don't pay full price for ANYTHING if I don't have to.
So, we get in the car, and I share the story with my friend about the package. So, we open it and inside is much more money than I could have imagined! It was not easy trying to hold back the tears of gratitude! I immediately thanked God for His blessing and how he used my friend in Colorado! I still did not know what the total of my bill was for the chiropractor, so I continued to pray that week till my appointment on Thursday.
Ok, now lets back up one day to Sunday (before our Mom's night out), our Pastor passed around Faith Promise cards at church. Drew was not yet home from his trip to Israel (he got back Tuesday) and so I took a card and silently prayed that God would give me an amount to give this next year that was more than what we gave this past year. If you are not familiar with Faith Promise...it is simply missions giving that is in addition to your tithe/offering. So, he pretty much immediately put an amount in my head and I knew I needed to talk to Drew about it. It was a true step of faith amount just like our current amount is. Last year, we did not have the extra for missions, but we knew that God wanted us to give. So we decided on an amount and trusted that God would provide for us to give that amount to missions every week. Guess what! He did!! For one whole year we had that extra money that we had prayed for and trusted God for every week! And I will be honest, as I was praying in church Sunday, I had the typical thoughts flowing through my head...what about this area where we are short? Or that area? How are we going to pay for this AND that? Yeah, we have all been there. But I knew the number that God had placed on my heart to increase our missions giving too...and so on I waited till Drew got home to talk to him about it.
So, to recap...Saturday, I got the phone call with the blessing of a gift from my friend. On Sunday, the Lord gave me a number that we should increase our missions giving too knowing that we don't actually have the money to do that...but knowing we would have to trust Him to provide it. Monday, I receive the gift from my friend for much more than I could have imagined!
On Tuesday, Drew came home from his trip and it was back to normal life (well, as normal as it could possibly be). Within the last several months, Drew and I have been discussing our financial situation in relation to our needs and especially the upcoming birth of our second child in March. Honestly, to look at our finances, we don't know how we get by...we just do. And for that reason it is a topic of conversation that isn't exactly our favorite and an area that I tend to stress/worry way too much over. Well, on Wednesday, I had our financial situation on my mind a lot. I was allowing it to really get me down. I knew where we should be financially to be able to get by without a problem and I knew where we were and I was allowing that gap to put me in a gloomy mood on Wednesday.
Well, after church on Wednesday night Drew and I were walking to our car when I remembered sharing with him what God had impressed on my heart about missions giving on Sunday. So, I shared the amount that I felt God would have us increase our giving to. At that, he shared with me that he had received a $1 raise at work. Instantly, my mind went back to that gloomy state that I had been in all day worrying about our finances. So, what was my response?? "That's it? Just $1? Ugh!" And the conversation ended.
On Thursday, I went to my chiropractor, and asked what my bill was when they included that days visit. What a blessing!! The amount that my friend had sent me was ABOVE what my total bill was including Thursday's visit! God had provided over and above what I needed for my chiropractor bill! I was able to pay my bill IN FULL with some money left over to cover my visits for the next couple of weeks! God had answered my prayer over and above!! And he had used a dear friend!! I was rejoicing! Well, I went home and shared the news with Drew who was also excited too! And instantly, I was rebuked by the Holy Spirit for my attitude towards the news of Drew's raise the night before. I knew I needed to apologize for my stinky attitude and to rejoice in the fact that he did receive a raise and God was again trying to show me how he was providing for our needs.
Well, it was Friday night and I still had not apologized to Drew (I knew I needed to). We had gotten home from helping at our church's weekly addictions program and I came to Drew and apologized for my wrong response regarding his raise. I was in tears because I knew I had not encouraged my husband and lifted him up when I most needed to. He then shared with me something that I could not see because I had allowed my stinky attitude to get in the way. On Wednesday night after church I had just shared with him how I felt God wanted us to increase our missions giving even though I had no idea how we could do that and that we needed to trust that God would provide and then Drew had shared with me how he had gotten a raise. Here I was sharing with him what i felt God was leading us to do, and ALREADY God was providing! I could not see that on Wednesday because I allowed our long list of "needs" to get in the way. I was broken. I sat there and just bawled because here I was rejoicing one minute for how God provided over and above my need at the chiropractor, yet blinded to how God AGAIN provided for us over and above so that we could give to Faith Promise for the second year with increase!!
So, what is the lesson in this? I need to be so careful that I don't allow worry and the stress of the bigger picture cloud my view of the blessings that God provides my family! If God can provide in the absolutely awesome way that he did this week for the one little area of my chiropractor bill then why can't he also provide for our needs later down the road when we have this second child? Why can't he also provide the money for every single one of our list of needs? I learned a lesson for sure this week. I need to put away the worry about the things of tomorrow and I need to trust that God will provide just like he promised! I don't know how we will make it tomorrow, next month, next year...but I saw God provide for me this week! I need to trust that he will provide for me tomorrow, next month, and next year and stop looking at what we don't have and simply look to the One who owns it all.
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