Make me to know your ways, O Lord; teach me your paths. Lead me in your truth and teach me, for you are the God of my salvation; for you I wait all the day long. Psalm 25:4-5

Monday, October 3, 2016

Brokenness

It has been a year since I posted. So much has gone on in that year!
We are in a new house, a new ministry, and a new city.
In many ways, God answered many prayers and dreams of our hearts.
We have so much to be thankful for, so why am I talking about brokenness?

The root enemy of brokenness is pride.
Pride can raise its ugly head in anyone's life. But ultimately, it is what leads to a miserable, depressed, cold, life.
The Pharisees were very prideful people. They boasted in following the law, having lives that looked put together and righteous. Many many Christians live similar lives.
Last weekend, I attended a women's conference with several ladies from my church. It was a fun time of bonding, laughs, and self reflection.
Honestly, I had no idea God was going to work so strongly in my heart and reveal such a brutal heart condition.
Nancy DeMoss Wolgemuth spoke on Friday morning on brokenness.
She gave examples of a prideful heart and a broken spirit/contrite heart.
I was hit with a hard realization. I had way more characteristics of that prideful heart than the broken/contrite heart.
It broke me. It broke me to the point I knelt at my seat and bowed my heart and cried out to my God asking for forgiveness. Asking Him to heal this prideful heart of mine. Thanking Him for showing me how self-righteous I had become. It was freeing. It was humbling. It was a refreshing moment that still brings tears to my eyes thinking about it.
God creates circumstances to show us how much we need Him.
Oh how true this is! The problem is, though, that we come upon these circumstances and get through them ourselves and without God. Forgetting to pray. Maybe casually asking God to cover our backs, but not truly trusting Him to get us through.
What we need to do when these circumstances arise is to fall on our face before Him and CRY OUT to Him, humbling ourselves before Him, giving every single facet of the circumstance to Him, holding onto NOTHING!
But is that what we do? If we don't do this with the littlest of matters, how will we do this with the biggest?
After her challenge, I knew I wanted her book trilogy Brokenness Surrender Holiness.
I have begun reading it this past weekend and I plan to share some of what I am learning along this journey.
One of the things that resonated with me on brokenness was having a walls down, roof off life.
Roof off life is a life that is open, humble, and hiding NOTHING from God.
A walls down life is a life that is transparent, and open to others. Not hypocritical. Not wearing a mask of "I am fine" "My life is all perfect and put together."
But rather, "I am a beautiful work in progress, I have areas of my life that are not perfect and I have failures. Please pray for me specifically in this way....."
My favorite quote from her challenge:
"Brokenness is a life long, lifestyle of agreeing with God about what He knows and sees in my heart."
So, my prayer as I read this book is Psalm 139:23 "SEARCH me, Oh God, and KNOW my heart! TRY me and KNOW my thoughts! And SEE if there be any grievous way in me, and LEAD me in the way everlasting!"

Search me!
Try me!
See me!
Lead me!
This is my hearts cry! Is it yours?